sweet16

So for the competition between my mom sister and I, my mom has lost 5 pounds this week. My sister lost a little over one pound, and I lost .6 pounds. I am almost positive my period is coming soon so hopefully I will loose weight quickly after it has come and gone. Yesterday was my sister’s birthday, we went out for chinese and then had some chocolate cake. I was very careful about what I ate. I got on the tredmille and exercised for the first time in three months. It really hurt at first but not that it has been an hour or two it doesnt hurt as much. No school today because I am from Jersey and we got 6+ inches of snow!

For those of you that have read my blog previously, you may have read about the competition my mom started in our household between my sister, herself, and me. We are each putting up 25 dollars and who ever looses 10 pounds first wins 75 dollars. My mom wrote down our weights in the back of her date book. Only my mom knew what each of us weighed. My sister did not see me weigh in, although I didn’t really care if she did and when my sister weighed in she forced me to leave the room. My mom knew her weight since she has been weighing in and loosing weight rapidly for the past 6 months.

So today I looked in the back of my mom’s date book. I was shocked at what I saw. I wanted to throw up. I felt so many different emotions at once. I felt guilt, I felt betrayed, I felt like my mom had done this awful awful thing. My sister weighs 1 pound more than my mom. She is 5′6″ and weighs 239.8 pounds, age 15. My mom is 44, 5′4″ and 238.6. I felt like my parents have done this horrible thing. It just added to the mixed emotions and blame I have and am trying to forget I have for my parents. I hope that my sister wakes up and realizes what has happened and that this isn’t okay, because at this point my parents can’t do much more before it turns into a fighting scene. She needs to do this for herself, but I don’t think she has a mature enough mentality to do it for herself.

I’m sorry I went snooping in her date book, I never thought that I would find this in a million years. I just needed to get this off my chest.

It’s not that I mind getting out of the house and getting to eat something special, it’s just that I never know what to eat. I also tend to overeat when we are out to dinner. Ugh! Friday night and Saturday afternoon I went out to eat. I went to Chili’s and Longhorn. At both places I ate a cheeseburger, just cheese. Of course the people I went out with ordered appetizers and on Friday night, the three of us shared a dessert.  I indulged myself, I won’t lie. At both meals, I left food on my plate.

I have been very good about only drinking water, until last night I was over a friend’s house and all he had to drink was soda. I ahd to cans of regular soda that night. But, once I returned home I returned to drinking water. Today, I have only drinken water.  I have not overeaten today either. I have counted all my calories and I am right on track. However, my weight isn’t. I weighed in this moring at 192.4….Right back to where I started in less than three days. Is this bloating or did I really gain all the weight back in two days? How do you get rid of bloating and how do you drop the water weight?

This morning I had couple crackers so I could down my vitamin. For lunch I had a ham wrap, chips, and I broke down to buy a chocolate chip cookie. We had a gallette de rois for three kings day in French class. I had a very small piece. For dinner I had 1/2 a t-bone steak and pork fried rice. No soda today! I woke up and found I lost another pound. That’s 1lb per day so far this week! Woot woot! 3 pounds down since Monday morning

Today was day three of my diet and I have not broken any of my rules. I have not had a soda or overeaten. I have logged everything that went into my mouth on caloriecount.about.com. The only thing I have not done yet, was exercise. I am very afraid to hop on the tredmille in my house because of my foot. I just removed my demobolizing boot and I am still in alot of pain at times. Although my boot is off, I need to go to the doctor first. But until then, I’m doing the best I can with it all.

This morning I stepped on the scale to find that I have lost another pound. 191.2 :)  I don’t know if it was fat or water weight, but I’ll take it. I skipped breakfast today because I could not find anything light in the house. I could have had a bite of an Atkins bar, but those things are packed with sooo much stuff and I really don’t like thee taste. I had a wrap at lunch today again. Today it was turkey and lettuce. I only ate some of the tortilla and all the meat. I only at 1/2 the chips that came with it. I am making a list of things I want from the grocery store tonight so my mom can go pick them up. Which is good, because it feels like there is nothing I can eat in the house. For dinner I reheated the beef and broccoli and some fried rice. And when I got hungry later on I had some homemade popcorn with only a little olive oil. I calculated that I ate under my 1200 calories today, but with chinese food, what I calculated is probably too little. I believe they say allow for 20? percent wiggle room in your calorie budget because of variations in portion sizes.

After school my mom made my sister and I step on the scale. She wrote down our weights. She wants us to have a contest and whoever (out of the three of us) loses 10 pounds first wins $25 a piece from the other two. Funny thing is, the only person who knows what everybody weighs is mom. My sister was on the couch being oblivious when I did mine and when my sister weighed in she told me to leave the room. Honestly, if they wanted to be open and serious about this contest, we should all know what we each weigh. It’s not like being fat is a secret in our family. But whatever, just another day. So, when my tracker says I have lost 14 pounds, ask me if I won the contest xD

I have a funny story. Today I took a vitamen in the morning (yay me!), I also forgot to eat breakfast. I felt like I was going to puke less than 1hr later because there was nothing in my stomach. But I didn’t! I learned my lesson!

What are your favorite low calorie foods? High protein?

I am on an eating plan of eating 1200-1300 calories per day. I tend to eat 3 or 4 meals (sometimes breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack sometime throughout the day). For lunch I today I finally found a somewhat healthy solution at my school. I got a ham and lettuce wrap that came with chips. A friend of mine split the chips with me. I could not find anything to eat for breakfast and I wasnt hungry this morning. After I got home from school and from seeing my friend take his driving test (he just turned 17 on Sunday…He passed!) I had a snack of pb and apple slices. For dinner, my parents did not feel like cooking. SO my dad ordered chinese food. Uck. So the rest of my daily allowance went to trying to eat as little of that as possible. I used a smaller plate and tried to avoid the rice. I had beef and broccoli but a very small portion. I still tend to feel hungry. Any low calorie options for snacks? Also, I need to find a way to work in more nutrients and avoid carbs and fats.

I love how my parents want me to lose weight but they still fill the house with junk, and order chinese food. Hopefully I will get my mom to take me food shopping soon so I can get lower calorie options and some low calorie treats like Skinny Cow Icecream. Through the holidays I felt really bloated. My mom bought me a Calvin Klein shirt. It was a large, the size I normally wear. But, it felt really tight. Throughout my whole winter break my weight floated between 194, 195, and before the break ended it peaked at 196. The heaviest I have ever been weighed as. But, the day before I went back to school my weight dropped and began to return to normal and my jeans started to button again. Monday I weighed 192.6 at 6:30 am. Today, at the same time, I weight 192.0. Today I wore the CK shirt I got for christmas and it was LOOSE on me. It was a nice motivator for today.

I woke up the other morning with sinus pressure and a sore throat. It hasn’t gotten much better so I’m “popping” cold meds and advil like its my job. I’ve started caughing too! When I cough it rattles my entire chest and can be quite painful. It’s been that way since I can remember. The school nurse used to call home because she thought something was wrong with me. I wasn’t allowed to come back to school without a doctors note at one point xD but he said I had nothing to worry about. I am also one of those people who, when they blow their nose, sounds like a trumbone. It’s the loudest thing ever. I’m so embarassed to do it in class. haha

Any who! I stuck to my diet today. I did not drink soda and I limited/stayed away from carbs and fats. Caloriecount.com said I had a pretty good day too according to the food log i submited. I ate approx. 1290 calories today and stayed within my daily values of all nutrients. I had 3 meals and 1 snack. I spent alot of time upstairs today, away from the kitchen. I think that really helped me avoid snacking. For breakfast I had a Campbell’s soup at hand 80 calorie soup. I ended up eating less than half of it, I’m really not a morning person. So, approx. 35 calories. At lunch today I didnt see any healthy choices I could purchase, and since I havent gone food shopping yet, I picked something low calorie and filling. It was also cheap. I got a bag of baked lays 130 calories and a small soft pretzel 160, for a meal total of 290 calories. When I got home I ate apple slices and peanut butter, 175 calories. I ended up taking a nap today and did not wake up until 8pm. My mom had already made dinner and left me a plate. PF Changs frozen chicken and broccoli and a 1/2 cup of rice, approx. 790 calories.

I think that if I curb and manage my calories before dinner, then I can avoid overeating regardless of what my mom makes for dinner. For instance, as long as I budget to leave a bulk of my calories for dinner I can stick to my diet.

For the past year, I’ve tried dieting and my self destructive attitudes ahve gotten the best of me and all my efforts have been unsuccessful. This time I’m serious. I’m DONE with being THE fat girl. I hate it. I hate that it makes me hate myself. Lets just hope I’ve grown stronger in the past year.

My plantar fascitis is still really bad. My doctor put my in a demobilizing boot for one month and when I went back he recommended another month. So i go back in a week or so. The MRI I had showed that I did not tear the plantar fascia but the bone on the outside of my foot was swollen and showed possible stress fractures from playing soccer. The boot caused me to end my season a week early after terrible pain. The boot has taken away alot of pain, but its still sore and achey everyday. God forbid I do something like walk around the mall, I’ll be in even more pain for the rest of the day. Wow, I got off topic

I want to lose 46 pounds, to reach my goal weight off 145. I’ve decided to cut out soda completely and since I have Ancantosis Negarians (I’m sorry guys but I am a horrible speller) I have decided to try and cut out carbs as often as I can. When I return to school I plan to bring a lunch and drink water all day. I also plan to start exercising regularly, once my doctor gives me the okay. Lately I’ve been motiviated to go running but I know that if I do, I’ll make everything worse.

Being a 16 year old is stressful. From school to applying for summer programs like NYU precollege (which my parents have told me I’m not allowed to do now because they “know what the village is all about” that’s what they are telling their drug free daughter who belongs to a group that advocates against teenage drinking and who has never tried any drugs.ever.) I am applying to Bank of America’s youth leadership summer program though. I’m really excited about that. I am also tutoring a 1st grade girl after school 3 days a week. I have no time for a job.

I still blame my parents for my weight, what bothers me is that they can not admit to their mistake but instead the continue to point out my flaws. You need to shower. Have you seen your hair today? It could be nicer. Go wash your face its all broken out and gross. Yesterday my mom told my sister and I that we each NEED to lose 30 pounds by this summer. I know I do, but she lost the right to tell me I HAVE to a long time ago. She wants us each to put in $25 and who ever loses 10 pounds first wins the money. I don’t know…I just ugh. I’m going to do it for myself and I dont want her to think that this had anything to do with her. Since she’s started losing weight I feel like this is a mistake she can’t own up to and the only reason why she wants to turn it ino a game is because then she wouldn’t have to admit anything in order to fix her mistake.

For the past year, I’ve tried dieting and my self destructive attitudes ahve gotten the best of me and all my efforts have been unsuccessful. This time I’m serious. I’m DONE with being THE fat girl. I hate it. I hate that it makes me hate myself. Lets just hope I’ve grown stronger in the past year.

My plantar fascitis is still really bad. My doctor put my in a demobilizing boot for one month and when I went back he recommended another month. So i go back in a week or so. The MRI I had showed that I did not tear the plantar fascia but the bone on the outside of my foot was swollen and showed possible stress fractures from playing soccer. The boot caused me to end my season a week early after terrible pain. The boot has taken away alot of pain, but its still sore and achey everyday. God forbid I do something like walk around the mall, I’ll be in even more pain for the rest of the day. Wow, I got off topic

I want to lose 46 pounds, to reach my goal weight off 145. I’ve decided to cut out soda completely and since I have Ancantosis Negarians (I’m sorry guys but I am a horrible speller) I have decided to try and cut out carbs as often as I can. When I return to school I plan to bring a lunch and drink water all day. I also plan to start exercising regularly, once my doctor gives me the okay. Lately I’ve been motiviated to go running but I know that if I do, I’ll make everything worse.

Being a 16 year old is stressful. From school to applying for summer programs like NYU precollege (which my parents have told me I’m not allowed to do now because they “know what the village is all about” that’s what they are telling their drug free daughter who belongs to a group that advocates against teenage drinking and who has never tried any drugs.ever.) I am applying to Bank of America’s youth leadership summer program though. I’m really excited about that. I am also tutoring a 1st grade girl after school 3 days a week. I have no time for a job.

I still blame my parents for my weight, what bothers me is that they can not admit to their mistake but instead the continue to point out my flaws. You need to shower. Have you seen your hair today? It could be nicer. Go wash your face its all broken out and gross. Yesterday my mom told my sister and I that we each NEED to lose 30 pounds by this summer. I know I do, but she lost the right to tell me I HAVE to a long time ago. She wants us each to put in $25 and who ever loses 10 pounds first wins the money. I don’t know…I just ugh. I’m going to do it for myself and I dont want her to think that this had anything to do with her. Since she’s started losing weight I feel like this is a mistake she can’t own up to and the only reason why she wants to turn it ino a game is because then she wouldn’t have to admit anything in order to fix her mistake.

Today I went to the doctors to get my sports physical for soccer. I was seeing a doctor who I never saw before except for 1 other time when my doctor was not available. I am 5′3″ and weight 191. The doctor said that my weight was on the high end for my weight. She wrote me a prescription for blood work since I have not had it done in 3 years and told me that I needed to come back in one month so we could see where my weight was at. My usual doctor would just remind me of my weight and push me along. I am happy she is doing something with me. I told her the past year I have really been eating well. She treated me like a child and insisted that the once in a while things are more frequent then I realize and that I need to eat fruits and vegitables. I am just sitting there quietly thinking why is this woman talking to me like I’m an idiot.

Anyhow, I am going to Florida Wednesday and I come back Monday. Tuesday I jump right into soccer hell week. YAAY ME! I have a HUGE amount of summer homework to finish for my 5 honors classes and one College Congruent class. YAAAY!